She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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