rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
