apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
