just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
