I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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