apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
