So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
whose parrot is this?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
