i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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