I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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