When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
