I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
