yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
