I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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