new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
