So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize