Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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