we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
