i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
