K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
