Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
