I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
