No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
