I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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