we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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