His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
