redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize