We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
