We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
