Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
