I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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