I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
