Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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