my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
