I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
