someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
