If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
