my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
