everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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