I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and she was petting her beer can
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
