i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
