So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
