this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
