Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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