he shaved USA in his pubs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
