That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
