Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
