I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
