Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
