Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
