Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i've created a new STD.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
