I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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