my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
