I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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