Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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