When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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