I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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