Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
