At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
