Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
