We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
