She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My feet surprised me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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