great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
