I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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