I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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