Fuck appropriateness.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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