When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
