you guys were way drunker than both of me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
