I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
