So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
