He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
