my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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