I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
