so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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