you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
