He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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