Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
