I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
