im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
