who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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