there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
