wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
