I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
