The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
