the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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