If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
